Bat-Wielding Prefects to Combat Vaping: A Bold Move Towards a Vape-Free Future or a Step Back into the Dark

Recently, MP Casey Costello seems to have flicked the proverbial lighter, igniting a fiery conversation around smoking policies.

Otto von Bismarck, a notable German statesman and diplomat, famously remarked, “Politics is the art of the possible, the attainable — the art of the next best.” If this is correct then surely Costello is painting with a very broad brush.

Meanwhile in schools, it takes a special kind of mental and genetic impairment for a student to get caught vaping in places as surveillanced as the New Zealand high school.

There is a solution lurking: the reinstatement of fagging. This splendid practice, once the backbone of British public schools, whereby younger pupils were required to act as personal servants to the eldest pupils. While Ministry mouthpieces may balk at such suggestions, one cannot deny the efficiency of an obedient and submissive generation.

Frequently lessons arise from abroad which should be exploited here. Take the uplifting report from America that a not-too-bright 10-year-old boy, accidentally smashed senseless from a blow across the head with a baseball bat, as a consequence has developed Einstein-like mathematical powers. The message? Clear and compelling. It’s high time our schools adopted a battalion of bat-wielding prefects to knock some sense into vaping idiots. In a decade we’ll be vape free. This initiative could certainly be described as “doing God’s work”.

1 thought on “Bat-Wielding Prefects to Combat Vaping: A Bold Move Towards a Vape-Free Future or a Step Back into the Dark”

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